Lackluster Abstaination

   During the Lenten Season I try to make an effort to abstain from certain activities. This usually has some impact on my eating habits. Oh, how I do find comfort in mindlessly pushing food in my mouth and licking my fingers. Of course, such overflows into the various facets of fasting.
   Because of my penchant to find abandonment in all things tasty, fasting is near impossible for me. Okay, not impossible. But, torture for sure. This year's Lent started off with every intention of fasting through the whole season. However, a few days into this act of devotion which better disposes me to our Lord and his will, it became clear that the Holy Spirit was not providing the strength to carry out this offering. In conjunction therewith, it had been discerned that a long fast is not practical in this environment - our nutritional needs are sub par, to say the least. So, I prayed and encountered a different form of self mortification: Instead of fasting, I alternatively consigned myself to eating everything served by the institution.        Also, I would abstain from snacking or supplementing my diet throughout the day (note, a small snack was scarfed each evening, typically a few slices of bread saved from my previous meals). If you think this was no big sacrifice...oh, how wrong you'd be, but then again, you have not been privy to the indelicate foodstuffs served here.
   But why choose this particular avenue of sacrifice. I don't know, ask the Holy Spirit! Actually, this may have been an opportunity for growth. See, my roommate and others who are impoverished have no choice to eat what they are served. They, sadly, do not have the option of being finicky. What is slopped before them is their only.... If they are hungry, well, they sit at a dining room table near a garbage receptacle and watch patrons walking by to dispose of their trays, begging for leftovers before such is dumped! Observing them as Lent approached, feeling my heart break for them, I opted to commit to eating the food plopped on my tray (mind you, I did not sit near the garbage bins). Perhaps the Holy Spirit was pressing me to develop a fuller appreciation and deeper empathy for the marginalized, the forgotten, the disposed!
With seasoning in hand, I indeed embarked on this journey. Oh, my, how repulsive some of this food is. That is, if such slop even amounts to food. The irony? Eventually my mind and body adapted and I seldom became overwrought with anxiety and disgust.
   Within this exercise there has been another nugget of illumination: We, as a culture, tend to feel sorry for those who do not live to our standards. But, have we actually placed ourselves in their shoes before attaching such emotions?
   As it so happens, Lent is over and the Easter Season is well on its way and I have not abandoned the discipline which had been initiated in the preceding weeks. No doubt, I feasted on Easter Sunday. Did I ever.... However, it was noticed that I felt better with the program which had been my embraced throughout my sojourn. Plus, there was a noticeable difference in resources not being squandered because I refrained from being particularly picky about this, that, or the other. Don't misunderstand, there are dishes which continue to make me squirm and gag, but such keep me in communion with the forsaken (there is a certain oddity in myself, a marginalized person, recognizing a subclass of persons in a more disadvantaged state).
   There is an added benefit. So often after we have reached the summit of Lent, we enter Easter with relief and celebration (which is apropos), but we many times fail to re-embrace those observances which drew us closer to God and neighbor; instead, being content to return to where we were before Lent began.
   Please, pray that the Holy Spirit continues to provide the strength for me to continue this wonky expression of community and submission.
Marana tha....