You may recall a couple years ago I attended a spiritual retreat (cf. SPIRITUAL RETREAT) and was none too enthused to be there. Quite frankly, I wanted to be anywhere else. Hell would have even been a better alternative! Not being one to quit, I stuck it out and was profoundly touched. Though I had been embarking on my spiritual walk prior to the retreat, such resembled a blind wander. The result of the retreat was an experience that filled me with an enthusiasm that has not waned.
While participating in an open discussion at a non-denominational hootenanny, a friend, Darrin, shared a tidbit that really resonated. Did it ever. The topic of the evening gathering was prayer.
To be forthcoming, I struggle with prayer; my efforts do not appear to produce fruit. I sometimes wonder why I bother. More often than not, I pray because such is what is expected of me. Then again I would be remiss if I did not confess that on occasion I feel drawn to pray. Even this is not quite an accurate depiction. See, I always pray, that is, in the technical sense. Seemingly, most of my day, in one form or another, is spent thinking about God or His creations, me merely throwing comments His way thank you for this, that or the other, wow, that was pretty cool, did you do that, what were you thinking, and all sorts of other whatnots along those lines. In contrast when it comes to formal prayer the type where we kneel or sit down, where we are completely focused on God for an extended period of meditation and listening, those are the prayers with which I struggle. These forms of prayers seem inconvenient and time consuming. Yet, even when I don't receive answers, which is most of the time, I walk away feeling closer and more connected with God. More holy, if you will grant me such latitude. However, for whatever reason, I continue to shy away from these formal times of prayer. Perhaps my anxiety is a result of having absolutely no privacy, my faith not being strong enough to overcome the potential stares of passersbys. All my struggles notwithstanding, I continue to be passionate in regards to my prayers.
Anyway, every so often a person will share with me that they have prayed for me. I am never sure how to respond. The whole concept makes me feel uncomfortable. So, the typical reply is, thanks! Whatever it is they have prayed for on my behalf, apparently such was not answered, as there is no notable change in my daily life.
Also there are always those people who say their prayers were fulfilled from a whole array of petitions. To me, this is so irritating. Are they living in some bubble of fantasy? Aren't answered prayers simply coincidence? (Yes this is very cynical of me.)
As has happened to me time and again on this spiritual journey, I have had to eat my jaded views. This day is no different. Apparently, God has a sense of humor.
During our table discussion it was mentioned that during the weekend retreat there was a group of individuals praying that I would be changed, inspired, come to God, or something along those lines, the exact parameters of the prayers are not what is important. Darrin had revealed that the retreat prayer group selected two candidates in which more prayer focus would be placed on their behalf. As he said it, giant goose pimples began to develop on my arms and a shiver went through me like a jolt of electricity. Wow! For the first time, I began to truly believe in the power of prayer.
Reflecting on how uncomfortable I truly felt participating in that retreat, only to be bowled over by the presence of God half way through, nothing else could account for my embracing the last half of that retreat. It sure wasn’t accomplished out of my own desires. Coincidently, from that retreat weekend the other candidate that was the recipient of extra zealous prayer and myself are the only two who have continued our spiritual pursuit of Christ (perhaps more appropriately, pursuit for Christ). This is only further evidence of the power of their prayers.
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